Who am I Now?
Moving from Colorado to California has turned my life upside down. It’s like, I’ve moved to a parallel universe and everything has shifted so that it makes no sense to me.
This time of year, “Sunny California” has turned into a rainy, flooded and uncertain place where getting on the roads may result in being stranded or worse… and, it’s a wet kind of cold here and anyone who knows me, understands I’m always cold anyway.
…and, as for what am I going to do? I have no idea. Well, I really do, but I have no idea if my plan will be well received. Living 24 years in Colorado, I was recognize as a Speaker, Workshop Presenter, Performance Coach, Licensed Professional Counselor, Play Therapist and Board Certified Music Therapist. Here, in California, I’m starting all over again. I feel I’m having to reinvent myself.
I sit in my apartment missing my Colorado friends and the loss overwhelms me at times. Change…what can I say? It’s not always easy. Yet, it’s an important part of life…my life. So, I do what I always do… I write. I write to express my feelings and to figure it all out, to find some answers, to find some direction. Then, I share my writing in the hopes of helping others to see that they are not alone in having struggles in their lives.
I usually have an idea and launch into it. Yet, this time, I see that simply pushing through to accomplish something won’t work for me anymore. I remind myself that what I do doesn’t define who I am. My value is not determined by the hours I spend sitting at the computer, the number of clients I see or the number of books I write. My self worth is instead, a result of letting myself be free to love myself as I am first.
Coming from this place of self-love, as I find myself taking care of my needs for rest and play; the work seems to flow more naturally. I attempt to let go of my lifelong preconceived ideas that to be OK, I have to produce, do something that makes lots of money. Instead, I am trusting the process and trying not to push things to happen but be aware, mindful of what happens when I begin to enjoy my free time and the natural flow of work.
So, now the sounds of the rain are a gentle reminder of the need for down time, the need for solitude, to feel, to be present, to listen to the needs of body and soul. This is my current work. Letting go of self judgement and the need to achieve and replacing it with self love and nurturing as I begin my new plan. I am being given an opportunity to rest, to go on an inner journey and discover who I am now. Getting in touch with myself, I feel how really tired I’ve been.
Feeling the importance of self-love and a life that reflects listening to the needs of my body, I know that I’m in a perfect place and the time to emerge will come in perfect timing.