Positiveinnerchange is making changes! At this site I will continue to write weekly, but the focus will change from tips on public speaking, to helping you to make positive changes in your life and work.

For public speaking tips go to: www.sallybspeaks.com/blog.
For music and performance tips go to: http://www.sallybonline.com

If I were to ask most people if they wanted to be successful, they would say, “Yes, of course”. Then, they may take steps to finding that success, only to stop far short of their goal. Why do we stop?

Well, it’s like this: You have your friends, go out on Friday nights, and commiserate over your plight. You know who you are, don’t want to rock the boat, lose your security and close knit group of friends. Besides, who really wants a ton of responsibility? This feels comfortable, you have your f riends and the security of the status quo.

We have good reasons to stop short of reaching for that illustrious success. Let’s look at some of the top reasons we fall short. And, it’s all about fear! It’s fear around…

1) Will my friends still like me when I’m successful…will they leave me?
2) I won’t be “me”, if I make these changes. Then, ” Who am I really?”
3) After I become successful, what will I do?
4) Doesn’t’ success always lead to stress, overwhelm and a ton of responsibility?
5) Will I have time for fun and play or will success translate to all work!

Becoming successful means stepping outside of your comfort zone, taking on more responsibility and spending time alone making things happen. You no longer have your same identity and don’t really know who you are becoming. Your future is a big old question mark. You wonder if you’ll have any friends left or any time to spend with friends, when success comes to your door. It’s scary!

With inner fears as your driving force, you procrastinate, drop balls, dismiss important opportunities and hang with your “true” friends. It’s scary to step into a new social group, step outside of your comfort zone and create new habits that stretch and overwhelm you. And maybe, just maybe…success for you has another meaning such as spending time with a great group of friends and doing what you’re doing. If this is so, by all means do this. You have found success and joy! Give yourself a hug.

However, if you’re looking for more, it’s important to think about a few things…Know that struggle is not an option and it will, at times, be scary. You will want to give up. Most people do! Here are the lucky 7 keys to success for you hearty souls that want to take the leap…

1) Commit to building a successful business.
2) Know your core values and purpose. Live them.
3) Practice being alone…crafting your skills and building your business.
3) Reach out to new people, even if it’s uncomfortable, that are doing what you want to be doing and are at the level you would like to attain.
4) Commit to building new work habits
5) Have an accountability partner and a support group that will help keep you focused and motivated.
6) Follow a Spiritual practice that fits for you
7) Remember: Failing doesn’t mean you’ve failed..dust yourself off and keep going
Bonus: Do it because you can’t imagine doing anything else…love your work

Sometimes the passion for what we have to say is so high, that it’s easy to “over do” when speaking. Then again, sometimes, when speaking you may not be “into” it and have no energy. What’s the balance? How do we know? How do we fix it?

Good speaking is always about being intuitive and very present in the moment. In the past, when I’ve been in the “over doing it” mode, it’s usually because I’m not paying attention to the energy in the room, and/or I’m trying to prove something. In other words, I’m being controlled by my personal needs to be appreciated and loved. I’m letting my thoughts and stories control my speaking. Great speakers are aware of how positive and negative inner thoughts can derail. We must learn to let our thoughts go, and focus instead on our message and the needs we see and feel from our audience. If we’re thinking about creating a great presentation, we’re already off balance. Instead we need to focus on giving to our audience. Sense into what our audience needs. It may be different than the last time we presented on the same topic. It’s my belief that no two presentations should be the same. How could they possibly be, if we’re truly focused on the needs of the group before us. Some groups may need more energy and some less.

I remind myself before speaking that I’m not my thoughts. Letting go of thought, I sense into the energy in the room. I talk to people to learn where they are coming from. I think about what’s happening in the world that may be affecting the group. I think about the importance of my message to impact life’s. My intent is to stay centered, focused and let go of the need to have this presentation go a particular way. It’s a leap of faith and trust…It’s a letting go. (This of course after solid preparation and practice) It’s a love of yourself just as you are. When you’re in this space, you are less likely to go over the top or lose energy.

Use your intuition from a calm centered place. Focus on presenting your message from the heart. You can’t lose…

Do you want to keep your audience’s attention? Create a non-threatening environment? Have fun and relieve tension?

Try more humor in your next presentation, training or keynote. It can be tricky adding humor however, so here are a few tips…

Hone your humor skills by:
1) Practicing improv with other speakers
2) Visiting a comedy club
3) Keeping an eye out for humorous situations that you can use for material
4) Keeping a journal of funny personal stories
5) Noticing what makes people laugh

When using humor, stay loose, let go of the need to have a great laugh as the out come. Make sure the humor you use is related to your message and not out of the blue. React in the moment to what’s happening in your audience…it’s a good idea to know your audience too. Know what type of humor works best for you. Telling a joke isn’t for everyone.

Model having fun as a speaker and encourage your audience to embrace the Spirit of Play too!

Wow, the new year begins and I’m full of new ideas for speaking, writing new books, starting a non-profit and list goes on. Fun, fun fun….but this is doomed for failure without, without, what? FOCUS! Let’s look at the steps for finding focus.

#1 Check on your values. For me, my core values are love, freedom and self expression. I take a minute to filter the many ideas through the lens of the question, “What would I choose to do first to support my desire to lead my life through my core values?” I’m thinking they all fit! Oh brother…not what I’m looking for. I ask my inner parts, that have a love for life and new adventures, to relax back a bit. I remind myself than, in time, I may do them all. I pause……the answer appears. Take one new speaking idea out on the road while composing your book on that topic. Let the non-profit and other ideas simmer for a while. This feels right.

#2 Check on your purpose. Is your idea also in alignment with your life purpose. I again run my idea through the filter of my life purpose. I think about what I do as a speaker and professional coach to speakers and other performers . I think about how my purpose is to give them the skills to get their message out to the world, via words, music, art or dance. A life, to me, isn’t complete without leaving your feet print on this earth. For me, as the voice of positive change, I too want my message heard so that others can fully embrace their ability be to change leaders themselves. Yep, life purpose is in alignment.

#3 Check on your time, finances, health. At this time in my life I have few commitments, so my time is mine to create and speak. Check. As for finances, my projects will be financed through my coaching and training for speakers…plus my oncoming speaking commitments. Check. My health is good, but could use more tender loving care. I decide to work on my “focus project” not with a forced, unwavering push, push, push; but with an attitude of fun, play and the freedom to be creative. (To learn more about the power of play, check out my book: Conscious Performing). Check.

#4 Create your plan. How are you going to fit your new focus into your existing life? Make a list of steps you need to make to accomplish your focus. Write your action steps into your calendar and make this a priority. When the moment comes when you want to skip this action step, ask yourself the question, “What is my priority in this moment?” It might be that your focus is not the most important thing at this time. If this is true, reschedule your action step to another day and go with what’s the most urgent. Always, take a time to pause and think through your decisions carefully.

#5 Celebrate small steps forward. Accomplishing something new needs nurturing. So, I recommend at the end of the day when you’ve accomplished your goal to do something to celebrate. Think about the things that are special to you and have some fun. Pat yourself on the back. Too many times we think about all the things we need to do and never really validate the steps we have made forward. Feel the pleasure of having accomplished something and celebrate them with a bubble bath, favorite dinner, hike, yoga or anything that makes you feel great!

1. Slow down…take your time and savor the moment. It was interesting, by day two of my stay with the grandkids I abandoned any idea of really accomplishing anything and instead decided to take a lesson from the kids, and do what interested me. So, I snuggled in with a book, meditated and allowed ideas about my new books to simmer and be marinated in my 8 day adventure with the kids. Grandma has a lot to learn. As I watched the kids, I learned that the energy children display naturally,with their passion and emotional intensity, is exactly what we need when speaking or performing in anyway. (thanks kids) The way to get that energy and passion is to slow down and savor the moment!

2. Focus on what you’re doing…the NOW is more important than the bus coming, eating, or those instructions from Grandma. Details are highly overrated! Really, is the world going to come to an end if you’re not perfect? What exciting new thing may happen when your day doesn’t turn out as planned? What will you learn? Stay open…to possibilities no matter what’s happening. Life is perfect, as it is….embrace chaos and imperfection.

3. When your sister gets hurt, everyone helps out! So little Hannah (5 years old), while putting her letter to Santa in her stocking, pulled the weight that held her stocking, down onto her mouth. Everyone launched into action with ice packs, tender words and a call to Granny next door. When you love someone you do everything you possibly can to help. It’s about love, yep! How great would it be, if at every performance we lead with love.

4.Sleep is overrated. “But Grandma, I’m not done reading.” says Jeffrey. I have to love it! Sleep is overrated, when the book is good, I say read, create, study. There will be time for sleep. When you’re into something great, stay with it folks. Life is short…enjoy the minutes in the wee hours of the night, sleep will come when you need it.

5. Play, play and play…school work is overrated too. Are you only learning when you’re doing something someone has told you to do? I’m thinking not. You’re really learning when you are engrossed, focused and loving it! As a performer and speaker do what you love. Don’t let anyone tell you what you “should” be doing. Do it your way and have fun.

6. Cry fully, laugh fully, live big. In these eight days taking care of the grandkids we’ve had big tears, noisy laughter, craziness, quiet and sudden tenderness, sometimes within an hour. What is, IS. How beautiful to just let go with what is. As adults we get into so much holding of emotions that tension, depression and anxiety become the norm. Let go with what IS…it’s all OK. Live true, live big. Step onto your stage and express yourself from your gut….truth, life.

Have a wonderful holiday session and get ready for 2012. It’ll be a year of learning, growing and wonder if we just embrace what comes and go with it. Blessings to you all, Sally

1)  They know themselves well, and don’t try to be like anyone else.

I love to watch people speak that have a unique personality and don’t try to hide  it.  They transmit via body language a love of self and a desire to connect.  They may not be perfect, but they show up without apology and with an inner acceptance, and affection for who they are.  As they stand before us, we see confidence, and a whole person.  You can always tell when someone is hiding a part of themselves because they try too hard, hold tension in their bodies or you just don’t feel like they are talking to you.  They cut themselves off from being heard and seen out of fear that they will be found out and judged as being bad.  It’s tough, but you gotta learn to love and accept your differences and imperfections. Your audience really wants to hear YOU!

2)    They are passionate about their message and can’t imagine doing anything else.

You can see the passion in their eyes and hear it in their voices.  They have a message and feel it’s
their purpose on the planet to share it. And, share it they do to anyone that will listen.  This is not the “wanna be” speaker but the speaker that takes action to speak on a daily basis.  It’s in their blood and when they stand to speak, they hold a presence that immediately captivates the audience.  They speak from an inner depth, an inner knowing.  They may not be the most polished speaker, but it doesn’t matter, because their message has got to be told.

3)  They don’t rush…but enjoy the ride.

A great speaker doesn’t need to rush, because they know they can hold an audience’s attention with their presence alone.  They soften their bodies, focus their attention with love unto their audience, and take time to draw people in.  They get to know their audience by paying attention to their audience.  They don’t
feel it’s about how well they do, but rather that they can connect to their audience and be heard….really heard and understood.  It’s taking the time to get their point across, in a way that their audience feels and remembers it in a visceral way.  This speaker loves to speak and doesn’t want it to end.  They cherish their time on the stage and value the opportunity.  Everyone that’s listening pays attention and feels honored to be receiving their message, because they too feel heard and understood.

Curiosity is a great attitude to hold when speaking. Why? Because when you’re curious you’re open, full of potential and hold an eagerness to engage with your audience from a place of possibilities. Without curiosity, your attitude may shift into fear, tension and a need to perform in a certain way. You’re closed to new ideas, a new twist to your presenting and the possibility of letting your audience lead you in different directions.

Every presentation, training and speech should hold an excitement about what new idea, thought or direction may emerge in this one moment in time. It’s never boring, because you hold the key, curiosity! You take time to find out about your audience before you speak. What are their worries, issues, failures and successes? What do they need now? What’s happening in the world on the political, economic and world scene? What time of year is it and what would your audience be most focused on right now?

Be open, be curious, customize your presentation a bit every time you speak…meet your audience where they are before launching into what you think are the “great ideas”. Notice what you feel when you walk into the room you’re speaking in? What’s the energy? Is it low, high, quiet and withdrawn or dynamic and flowing? Meet your audience where they are energetically. Then, it’s much easier to draw them into your message.

If you have not taken the time to know your audience, to feel into the energy, it will take a lot more energy from you, to captivate their attention. Be open to changing up your presentation at each event…give it a little fresh paint. Keep it fresh, current and relevant to your audience.

If this feels daunting….because you need to have every word memorized, try practicing some improvisational speaking and just play with ideas with friends. See how the energy builds and how engaging this is?

Now, go play!!

This last August, I attended an Internal Family Systems Training at a retreat center on the   Sound in Washington. I loved the water, the eagles soaring, and the pure grace of nature. When I checked in, I was told the shores were filled with sand dollars. Hmmm, sand dollars. I decided to check it out, but found none. Then again, I didn’t really know what I was looking for. It took someone else to point them out and then I began to see them everywhere. I studied them, picked up a few, put them back and finally decided on a couple to bring home. My sand dollars sit on my meditation table and remind me of the many lessons learned from my training, my new friends and how I changed. My little sand dollars hold a lot of memories, gifts and beautiful moments that I treasure. Each time I think about them, I become inspired to be present, to lead with compassion and to love all of me. It’s just a little sand dollar…but it’s precious to me and it helps me to remember ……..Give your audience a sand dollar or two to take home.

A Speaker’s Lessons from the sand dollar…..

1) Make sure your audience knows what a sand dollar (your key point) looks like. Be clear and point out your key message. When, creating your presentation, fill it with supporting information that points them to the “sand dollar”.

2) Make your message so special and unique that your audience wants to “pick it up”. Your audience can not contain themselves from wanting your key point. It stands out from everything else you’ve said and they want to sneak it into their pocket to take home.

3) Give them a message that is so memorable and powerful that everyone in your audience wants to bring it home, to share and to enhance their own life.

4) Make sure that what they take home lasts and lasts because it’s infused with memories, emotions and a powerful story. When your message is powerful, and delivered with a unique and memorable style and twist, it sticks. And, years later when they think about the sand dollar, the message comes back with all the emotion of the first time they heard it.

5) Give them something worth remembering. Make sure your key point is precious, inspiring and makes a difference in the world. Think carefully about what your message will be. Ask, “Will my audience find it? Will they want to take it home? Will they remember it? Is it worth remembering?

6) Don’t give them too many sand dollars, one or two is enough. Any more than that and your sand dollar has no value and just gets lost, broken and/or forgotten.

Ask yourself: “Is the point of my message worth remembering? Will my audience find it within my presentation? Will they want to take it home? Is it memorable?

What are you leaving behind when you speak?

Have you ever listened to a speaker and began to nod off or drift off into your own thoughts? If so, my guess is that the  speaker wasn’t varying their vocal dynamics or pitch.

As a speaker, it’s important to record yourself and check out how interesting your voice really is. Are you varying the pitch and vocal texture? If you’re staying in a low or high vocal range for a long period, you are putting your audience to sleep or forcing them to tune you out. If you’re to loud or to soft or have trouble varying your pitch for a long period of time, no matter how interesting your content may be, your audience is having difficulty concentrating and connecting. Probably not what you want.

To begin to change this…experiment reading a children’s book and imagine trying to keep the attention of a three year old. Be expressive, experimenting with the highs and lows of your voice, dramatic pauses and building the tension with dynamic extremes. Go outside of your comfort zone and play with creating character voices, and being a bit crazy sounding. Just have fun with it.

Now record yourself using your new playful voice. What do you think? If you feel your voice is just to over the top, experiment toning it down a bit? If you are bored by your voice, try exploring what it would be like to speak like your favorite character in a movie. Keep playing until you find your inner self that is dynamic, interesting and will keep your audience at the edge of their seats. The bonus to all of this is, that it’s really fun. Give it a try. Your audience will love it!

You’re passionate about your subject!   You are knowledgeable and want to stand up and express your passion with confidence.   Yet, you find that you’re to scared to open your mouth..you shutter at the thought of speaking. Yet, a little inner voice begs you to give it a try. Does this describe you? if the answer is yes, this blog post is for you… The question becomes, “How do I let go of fear?”

The answer is you don’t let go of the fear…we’re hard wired for fear. Fear is a good thing…get aquatinted with your fear. Smile at your fear. Pull up a chair next to fear. Ask, “What are you afraid would happen if you spoke about your passion…..shared your powerful message? What are your stories? What would have to happen for you to relax back?”. When your fear knows it’s being heard and cared for, it usually relaxes, but go slow.

Begin to build your confidence muscle. Plan to attend a small networking group and just talk about your passion. Do this two times a week or so until it feels easy. Next, ask to speak for small groups of friends that will give you positive support….they are your friends so do it a few times. Video tape yourself and take a look. Not bad, right! Now, it’s time to ask to speak at local service organizations or other groups where they will be eager to hear your message. You’re on your way.

Plus, I have several speaking groups that would be great for you! My website has several blogs on this subject and you may be interested in my book and CD: Conscious Performing from fear to freedom. Call me for a complimentary 30 minute session. 303-717-9580 Check out my website at www.positiveinnerchange.com for more information.